The Reverend Kirk T. Berlenbach

Easter III, Year C

April 18, 2010

I like Peter. He is my favorite apostle. I am not alone in this- he is probably the most popular of all the disciples. As the leader of the early church he was certainly known and respected for his greatness and as a martyr, we must admire his commitment and his faith. But that is not what draws me to him. What I like most about Peter is that he is not afraid to leap first and look later.

We see him do it time and again. Peter is the first to acknowledge that Jesus is the messiah, even though he really has no understanding of what being the messiah really means and as a result, gets rebuked by Jesus for his ignorance. Peter steps out of the boat in the middle of the storm in order to walk to Jesus only to sink beneath the waves and almost drown, if Jesus hadn’t saved him. Later, when Jesus tells the disciples that he must die and that where he is going they cannot follow, Peter is swift to contradict him and declare that he would gladly lay down his life for Jesus (John 13:37). At first, it seems like this might be true for when Jesus is arrested it is Peter who draws a sword and strikes off the ear of one of the attackers. But even this act of fierce loyalty ends disaster for Peter. Not only does it show that he still has no real comprehension of what Jesus is all about but it is soon followed by his greatest failure… when he denies three times that he even knows Jesus at all.

It is these failures that make Peter such an easy person to identify with. He tries so hard to get everything right. He is so earnest in his commitment to Jesus that he is willing to take incredible risks- risks that none of the other disciples are willing to take. But the comic-tragic truth about Peter is that when he is trying is very hardest, he often winds up doing the exact opposite of what he intended. Not surprisingly, Peter has a very hard time living down and getting over his failures. But nothing could compare the shame of his denial.

More than anything else it haunted him. How could it not? He had denied his Lord and only hours after swearing that he would die for him. To make his cowardice all the worse, he did not even have the courage to stand by as Jesus was tortured and crucified. Fearing for his own life, Peter had gone into hiding. But now Jesus was back and while Peter was no doubt overjoyed and amazed at his resurrection, he had not yet had the courage to speak to Jesus about his denial and failures as a disciple. Fortunately for Peter Jesus takes the initiative.

I today’s Gospel Jesus makes one of his mysterious and unexpected appearances to the disciples when they are fishing. As soon as they know that it is Jesus speaking to them from the shore Peter springs into action. Just as he has always done Peter’s heart overrules his head. He was so excited to see Jesus that rather than wait for the boat to bring him into shore, Peter simply jumps in and swims.

Sitting there around the fire eating breakfast, his denials were probably the last thing on his mind. He is completely caught up in the all the excitement of the enormous catch, in the exhilaration of his swim and of course, by the mere presence of his Lord.

So imagine his horror when Jesus asks him, “Peter, son of John, do you love me more than these?” His heart and mind both must have begun to race at the words, yet he gathers himself and answers, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” With Jesus’ response, “Feed my lambs.” Peter must have started to breathe again but then inexplicably Jesus as the same question again, “Peter, son of John, do you love me more than these.” The words must have stung like a slap. Didn’t Jesus hear him the first time? Is it possible that Jesus still doubts Peter’s conviction? Wasn’t he the first to run to the tomb that morning when the women brought word that they found it empty? Hadn’t he broken bread with Jesus and resumed his position in leading the disciples? Yet painful as it was he rallies and says, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” But then Jesus asks the same question a third time. The narrator, who is very short on any sort of personal or emotional details even goes so far as to tell us that Peter was hurt by Jesus’ questions. The connection could not have been lost, not to Peter nor to the other disciples. By asking this question three times cuts to the very heart of Peter’s shame.

This leaves us with one burning question? Why? Why would Jesus seemingly takes such pains to rub salt in Peter’s wounds? The answer lies not in what Jesus says, but in what he does not say. You see, Jesus never asks Peter to apologize. In this respect, Jesus continues to show that he knows Peter better than he knows himself. He knows that simply saying, “I’m sorry,” could never erase Peter’s shame or restore his confidence. Peter could apologize for the rest of his life and yet he would still feel the burden of guilt and that his self doubt would forever continue to plague him. And so while Jesus’ approach may seem cruel, it is also the only way to really help Peter truly understand that he has been forgiven and restored to his position of disciple and shepherd of the Church.

This was essential if Peter was going to be able to carry out the ministry that Jesus planned for him. Peter is to lead the early church. It is Peter’s duty to care for all the believers and to help shepherd them through persecution and hardship. And ultimately it is his calling to make good on his once reckless promise and to lay down his life for his Lord. With such a destiny ahead of him Jesus understood that Peter had to first face his shame. And in doing so… by enduring the emotional agony of Jesus’ questions, Peter’s faith and standing are restored.

But this story is not simply an accounting of Peter’s journey- it is a message for the Church. Peter’s restoration had particular meaning for the Christians lived during the Roman persecutions. Back then bring a Christians was a crime, punishable by fine, imprisonment or even by death. If one was accused of being a Christian you were given a chance to renounce the faith and offer worship to the Emperor. Although we have many stories of brave men and women who stood by their faith, refusing to deny Jesus even under pain of torture or in the face of death, there must have been many more who, when the moment of truth was upon them, failed, just like Peter did.

For them, this story must have held particular meaning. It offered the possibility of a life beyond their shame. It offered the hope that they might be able to consider themselves disciples once more. They had seen others endure hardship and death for the sake of their faith and so they knew, as did Peter, that mere words of apology were too cheap to truly atone for their failure. The best and only way to demonstrate their faith would come through revisiting their past failures and trying again to overcome them.

It is no different for us today. Like Peter, we are flawed. Sometimes our enthusiasm leads us to bite of more than we can chew or to make promises that we are unable to fulfill. At one time or another we have all failed to live up to the expectations of our faith. When given with an opportunity to stand up for our Lord we have backed down in order to save face. When faced with person in need we have instead chosen to turn and look the other way. When confronted by the need for sacrifice or pain, we have chosen the easier path. And when our failures are really bad, they can haunt us, and we fear that they will forever stand between us and G-D.

But, as we hear in the Gospel, Jesus knows us better than we know ourselves. That means that before he ever called us as disciples he also knew our weakness and so we will be given the chance to make up for our mistake and to demonstrate our commitment. We do not have to let our failures to live out our faith have the final say when it comes to our relationship with G-D.

As we see with Peter it won’t be easy. But if we stand our ground and face it, we will have the chance to do something far more meaningful than just saying, “I’m sorry.” It will be very tempting to run or simply turn away. But only by facing the truth… only by owning our shame can we then truly re-commit ourselves to serving the very faith and Lord we once denied. Only through this ordeal will we gain the clarity and the courage to try again… only then can we succeed where we previously failed… only then will we be able to respond to Jesus’ call to follow him.