The Reverend Kirk T. Berlenbach

Easter II, Year A

March 30, 2008

“I don’t know if I believe any more.” Her voice didn’t wavier. “What do you think? Is that normal?” She had called me as a friend, but more particularly, as her priest. Was she looking for me to offer some compelling argument to squelch her doubt and revive her faith? Or perhaps she simply wanted my permission, for some one in authority to help normalize her crisis? I went on listening. Eventually we got to the real issue... “I mean what if some guy just made the Bible up? All the things that it says couldn’t really have happened. I mean, G-D didn’t just make the world in 6 days. Evolution makes much more sense cause it explains everything.” It started to become clear that what she was really looking for was clear, indisputable evidence… something concrete to substantiate, or even prove her beliefs. As dearly as I wanted to coax her back and solidify her faith, I had no proof to offer. In the end all I could do was listen and tell her that doubting was ok.

How many of us have felt this way at one time or another? Some of us might even be wrestling with such questions right now. The most important thing you need to know is that you are not alone. We all long for proof. We all doubt. Today’s Gospel tells the story of that paragon of doubt, Thomas. Talk about demanding incontrovertible evidence, Thomas, really pushes the envelope. Now here is a man who has presumably followed Jesus for a long time. In his travels he has heard Jesus teach and seen him perform miracles, including raising Lazarus from the dead. And we can assume that out of this he must have come to believe that Jesus had at least some degree of divine connection. So it is safe to say that Thomas has seen plenty of evidence to bolster his faith. But then of course Jesus died. In spite of all of Jesus’ teaching and preparation, this must have been a terrible blow to Thomas’ faith. But even allowing for that, when his closest friends and companions of the last three years tell him that they have seen Jesus he not only questions them, he all but tells them their crazy. Thomas wants proof and nothing less than hard, incontrovertible evidence will suffice. And so he sets up the most stringent conditions, all the while assuming that there is no way his demands will ever be met. But one week later, and I think much to Thomas’ surprise, Jesus squelches his doubts once and for all.

Now it is easy to look at old Thomas with astonishment or even pity. I mean, it’s one thing to question things, but Thomas takes it to absurdity. But we should not judge him too harshly because many of us are much more like him than we would care to admit. For whether like it or not, most of us fallen into the trap of looking for, or even demanding something that will really prove our faith. The problem is, that when we get right down to it, faith does not depend on proof, it fact, it cannot.

And that is what I told my friend. No matter how hard we try, we cannot find incontrovertible evidence for our faith. This is a scary prospect. But that doesn’t stop us from trying. And so people flock to weeping statues and apparition of the Virgin Mary that appear in windows and on grilled cheese sandwiches. We search through the mountains for the remains of Noah’s Ark and offer lengthy, scientific sounding theories to explain things like how the Red Sea might have actually parted. We are looking for that one, brilliant and unassailable experience or piece of evidence that will ground our faith in fact. How many of us have searched… how many of us have plumbed the depths of understanding hoping to find something, anything… some shed of evidence or some powerful experience that will prove out faith once and for all?

Unfortunately such quests usually end in disappointment. Many years ago my family would go to a Christian summer camp. The atmosphere was evangelical and worship was quite charismatic. It was commonplace to talk about miraculous healings and divinely inspired prophecy. Speaking in tongues was the norm for many people in worship. I was fascinated by it. All the muttering, whispering and even singing in strange sounds, it captivated me. Although I was only in my early teens I remember clearly thinking that if I experienced that sort of mystical communion with G-D, my faith would become solid as a rock. If I could just speak and tongues and experience that divine ecstasy I would never doubt again. So I prayed, without result. Then I sought out the guidance and advice of the camp leaders and still found myself mute in worship. I even began to consciously mutter nonsense syllables in the hopes of getting the ball rolling. Nothing. I was disappointed that my quest for proof had failed.

For years to come I wondered why G-D withheld proof from me. Yet, as I have journeyed in my faith and ministry I have come to recognize that my quest was misguided. The desire was pure and understandable enough. I was not going to find what I was looking for. Because even if my prayer had been granted and I had spoken in tounges, in later reflection I would have to acknowledge that although the experience was powerful, it was not objective evidence. It would be perfectly reasonable to suggest that if my “mystical” experience had happened, that it came about because of the power of suggestion and not because of a divine encounter.

Not many of us get the chance to put our fingers in the mark of the nails. In fact, the harder we try to find that kind of proof, the further we get away from the real meaning and purpose of what faith is all about. As we speak, a philanthropist is funding scientists to the tune of one million dollars to find hard evidence that G-D created the universe. It is impossibility. Because it is all a matter of perspective. A believer will look at the beauty and complexity of life and see the hand of a Divine Creator. Yet an atheist can look at the same reality, and see only the result of random events, guided by nothing more than chance and natural law.

After all, if we could prove it, it would not be faith. It would be fact! If there were really some sort of objective and concrete evidence for our religious beliefs then everyone else would believe them too. For example, I can take my prayer book and throw it up in the air and it will fall back down again. I could do it a million times and each and every time it will fall back to the ground. That is how we define evidence… that is real proof and that I why I can state, without reservation or fear of contradiction, that “what goes up, must come down.” Not so with our religious beliefs. There is nothing in our creeds or baptismal covenant that we can “prove” in the same sort of way. We have to take them on faith.

This is hard to accept, especially when we are doubting… when all we want is just a little proof, just a small bit of evidence to encourage us. But having faith is a choice to believe. Jesus acknowledges this reality when he says to Thomas, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” If we are ever going to become comfortable and grow in our faith, we need to accept the truth of its nature. Faith is something we choose to have. We choose to believe that there is a being who is greater than we are, a being who created us, a being who loves us…. we choose to believe that our lives have meaning and purpose and value.

That means that times of doubt, when they come, cannot be dispelled simply by looking to the facts.

But that does not leave us powerless to confront our doubts when they do arise. We all have something that we base our faith on… something we can look to remind in order to remind ourselves of what has been… of those times in our life when we actually did feel the nearer presence of G-D… of those times when we felt moved in worship or in fellowship with another person. The fact is, that we can indeed find evidence of our beliefs in the world and in our lives. It is all around us. It doesn’t take much mystical insight to see the Creator’s hand in the beauty of nature or to feel a sense of holy fellowship when we kneel together at the communion rail. And so, while it may not convince someone inclined to question our beliefs, we can still choose to see them as evidence of the value and validity of our faith.

Are they “objective”? No. It depends on how we choose to interpret them. It is not a matter of proof. We believe because we choose to believe. And even when we doubt or struggle with our faith, the evidence of it is still all around us… we just have to remember to look for it. I am pleased to report that my young friend, who was struggling so much with her faith, is now a sophomore at Eastern University studying for ministry. She never found any proof but in time, as she worked through her doubt, she was once again able to see the evidence on which her faith was based.

Doubt may be inevitable, but it does not have to win. And if we let ourselves actually go through those difficult times, then our faith will emerge all the stronger because of it.